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  • Dixie Thomas

Will You Choose Control or Freedom?

The decision can transform your relationships and your life. Discover how to live into love and freedom.



Who doesn’t like to be in control? Its human nature to want some level of control in our lives. When we have some sense of control, our lives seem more secure and predictable. We all have the ability to control our life on some level. If you have a leadership or management position, you may also have control over people to some extent. But the need to be in control of everything can be very unhealthy, especially if you are trying to control people.

Sometimes control is so subtle, we don’t even realize we are being controlling or being controlled. But all relationships from parent-child to spouses to coworkers or friendships will suffer from control and manipulation. Think of a time that you felt that someone was trying to control or manipulate you. How did that feel? Have you experienced a situation when someone was being pushy or trying to convince you to do or be something or someone that you did not want to do or be? How did that feel and how did you react? On the flip side, have you tried to control someone or tried to control the outcome of a situation? How did that turn out? And don’t forget about expectations. Its easy to expect people to behave or react in a particular way. Have you been disappointed or angry because someone didn’t behave the way you expected? Consider how these scenarios played out and how the need to control affected you. Most of the time, people react negatively when they sense someone is controlling or manipulating them. Furthermore, an attempt to control people and situations often results in tension, resentment, and unauthentic relationships. Control can also cause anxiety and deep disappointment for people on both sides of the equation.


The good news is that we can let go of control and expectations and choose freedom—wonderful, peaceful, authentic freedom. You can choose to accept people as they are. You can choose to allow people to be who they are, and not who you think they should be. You can allow people to have choices, and I can almost guarantee that if you give people choices, they will respond much more favorably. You see, God gave us the gift of freewill. From the very beginning God knew that we might not make the best choices, but he gave us the ability to freely choose. God never forces us to do anything. He always gives us a choice. That doesn’t mean we don’t experience the consequences of our choices, but love gives you choices and love gives you freedom. God doesn’t even force us to be in a relationship with him. He doesn’t try to force us to love him. But he loves us as we are. The divine nature of God has given us a great picture of freedom and love.


Want to experience more freedom? Do you ache to improve your relationships?

Here are some practical tips and thoughts to help you choose freedom and live in love:


1) Give people the freedom to be who they are, instead of who you want them to be.

2) Accept and love people as they are without trying to change them.

3) Give yourself the freedom to be who you are, and who God created you to be, instead of who people want you to be.

4) Ask instead of demanding or manipulating, and be direct.

5) Try to see from the perspective of others.

6) Give people choices.

7) Be willing to accept "no" for an answer.


And remember, you always have a choice.

That’s the first step to freedom.



Dixie Thomas is a Certified Life and Spiritual Coach, wife, mother, and shepherdess. For more on how to live into love and freedom and transform your relationships and life,

check out her website at: www.TheCompassLifeCoach.com

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